What is it that helped change that mean feeling to loving ones? LEADER: Let's see what we can learn from the burnt toast story. I don't like it at all - I don't like myself when I do it. LEADER: And you now find yourself using the same words with your daughter? I never did anything right, and she always made me do things over. I use exactly the same words my mother used against me when I was a child. C: I'm so used to being criticized that it comes natural to me.
#WHERE THE TOAST BURN HOW TO#
B: I always say to my son, "Let me show you, dear, how to do this or that." I always say to my child, "You are old enough to know this, you are old enough to know that." It must make him furious. LEADER: Let's see how these three different approaches to the toast incident apply to our handling of children. He looks over the burnt toast and says to you calmly, “Let me show you, honey, how to make toast.” LEADER: Let me now tell you about a third kind of husband. B: You feel kind of grateful that he didn’t criticize you - that he was with you, not against you. LEADER: Why? The baby is still crying, and the toast is still burnt. C: I would feel so good, I would hug him and kiss him. A: I would drop dead if my husband said that to me! LEADER: Suppose that the situation is the same the toast is burnt, but your husband, looking over the situation, says, “Gee, honey, it’s a rough morning - the baby, the phone, and now the toast.” A: Only if I could put some poison in it! LEADER: Would it be easy for you to fix another batch of toast? LEADER: What would your husband’s words make you feel toward him? B: I would say, “Fix your own damn toast!” Your husband looks over the toaster and says, “My God! When will you learn to make toast?!” What is your reaction? The telephone rings, the baby cries, and before you know it, the toast is burnt. LEADER: Suppose it is one of those mornings when everything seems to go wrong. An excerpt from a parents' discussion group:
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